Who do you think you are!
How dare you speak to me like that?
You are insulting me and calling my character into question!
Get out of my face – I don’t ever want to see you, associate with you, or deal with you again!
This is not the reaction of a rational person – no matter what the circumstances. This is the reaction of the ego – an emotional response based upon perception of the environment and is a self-defence mechanism adopted to protect the image we have of self. We all have an ego, but if we wish to succeed in this life, we had better learn how to control any form of egocentric behaviour.
You may instinctively feel that you are not guilty of egocentricity. That very feeling indicates that you are! Reactions such as “It’s my way or no way!”; “I want it all and I want it now!”; “I am the best so don’t question me!”; “I know more than you!” are all evidence to the fact that you are not prepared to compromise – and compromise is a sign of weakness … is it not? Unfortunately, most court actions, broken deals, resignations of key staff members, loss of customers, souring of relationships with suppliers, right down to more personal issues such as broken marriages and road rage are related to an out-of-control ego. Our ego demands that we protect it at all costs, and the untrained, undisciplined mind goes into autopilot by blindly following its instructions. The results are catastrophic! We lose all sense of clear direction, we make bad or clouded decisions, we become arrogant, we fire people unfairly (at great belated financial cost), we get ourselves into the most horrific financial mess … the list goes on and on! Are you beginning to spot a common symptom here? Don’t you see that the whole cycle of events starts with the mouth beginning to flap well before the brain kicks into gear?
Okay, so we all have an ego, and we grudgingly admit that our ego sometimes gets in the way, but so what – we are all mortal beings! Successful people simply do not think that way! They have learned that it is not a case or your way or of my way – it is a case of our way. Yes, this denotes compromise, and finding the compromise position is not easy. It takes focus, determination, self-control, inner strength, knowledge of a higher purpose and vision to find that middle ground. Only once this obstacle is cleared out of the way are we able to train people to recognise the fact that great advancement and financial gain lies in controlling emotions and forcing the ego to go underground.
It is not that easy to suppress the ego because it takes a lot of hard work on yourself, and your ego is going to fight you every step of the way. But you must start somewhere for the sake of your business, your future, your family, and your own happiness. Here are some tips:
- Find the common ground: Everything in life is negotiable (except death). Identify your objective and school yourself in the art of negotiation. Not only is it a very rewarding endeavour, but it is a highly sought-after skill, commanding a very good price on the open market. The ego refuses to let you give up any ground at all!
- Want vs. Need: Learn to differentiate between these two. Want is the ego talking whilst need is all about balance and rational thought processes. Life will give you everything you need but is reticent to give you what you want. The latter comes at great personal sacrifice!
- Find your Purpose: What is the meaning of all this? What purpose am I supposed to fulfil? Why was I put on this earth? How do I want to be remembered by those closest to me when I die? What legacy will I leave? These are just some of the deep questions one must ask to find one’s purpose … and ego pulls at 1800 to purpose fulfilment. Ego is not interested in purpose – it wants instant gratification in any form it can find it.
- Listen – don’t just Hear: All too often we hear what the other person is saying but we do not listen to what they are saying. Take, for example, a customer complaint. Whilst we are hearing the complaint our ego is busy constructing a counter argument as to why the customer is wrong and we are right. We are not listening to the fact that the customer is not enjoying the whole experience of doing business with us. Listen to him as a person, put yourself in his shoes and find a way to resolve the frustration he is experiencing. Customer complaints are great opportunities to make that complaining customer into a lifelong fan – just listen to him and take some action.
- Co-operate, don’t Control: None of us like to be controlled, so why do you insist on trying to control others? Co-operate with them in a spirit of mutual benefit – you will realise far greater reward, both financially and spiritually, in the medium to longer term! The ego demands that it is always in control!
- Build Others Up: The ego always puts others down so that it can build its own importance. By building others up, you will automatically subjugate your ego but you will be greatly esteemed, and rewarded by others.
- Serve Others First: The ego demands self-service! You know how abhorrent it is to you when you bump up against someone who is all about serving self first! Put the interests of others before those of your own – satisfy the needs of your customers, respect the needs of your suppliers and value that core group of employees who serve the business with genuine commitment. Enter open dialogue with other people, be honest, have integrity and see what happens. You will be pleasantly surprised!
It is indeed a sobering experience to sit down and take a cold, hard look at ourselves – in the way others see us! We naturally believe that we are in control of all the decisions we make, of the way we conduct ourselves towards colleagues, customers, suppliers, peers, and employees but this is all too often not the case. Upon reflection we realise many of our actions, especially in the way we treat(ed) other people, was not reflective of whom we really are, and that many of the decisions we made were simply irrational (to put it mildly). Be aware of the damage your ego can do, and just how much it is in control. Take action to put it in its place but be fully aware that the ego feeds on judgment and rejection, so any judgment of it or attempt to get rid of it simply strengthens it – be aware, be gentle but be strong!
Remember that internal misjudgements are six times more likely to cause business failure than external factors. The message is clear … keep objective help close at hand at all times, and if you don’t have it, get it without delay.
Success in business is all about getting the business fundamentals right … and the actions you take!
QUOTATION:
When an archer misses the mark, he turns and looks for the fault within himself. Failure to hit the bull’s-eye is never the fault of the target. To improve your aim, improve yourself.
Gilbert Arland
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